So at the moment I have no picture to share. Just a thought or two that I want to remember when I'm old and gray (oops too late) and can't remember anything.
As Miss E sleeps, for the second time today, only crying for MAYBE two minutes before falling asleep I am wondering if this is her new schedule. Out of nowhere yesterday she apparently decided she only needs two naps during the day! She just refused to nap at 9am like usual. So I thought, well no biggie. We'll just see what happens. Sure enough she slept an hour and a half in the morning then two hours in the afternoon. And she is repeating it again today. WHOHOO!! As nice as three naps is a day, do you have any idea how hard it is to run errands when you are either feeding, changing or putting your child down for a nap all.day.long?!?!?! Two naps is much easier. I'll give it a week before I get too excited and rejoin the normal world that doesn't go to eat lunch until 2pm.
And here is the other thought that I have been wanting to keep, but kept forgetting. Something happened at 4 months. Up until then I knew I loved my daughter. I carried her for 9 months, worried about her safety, worried when she poo'd, worried when she didn't poo. All the things a new mother does. But the day she turned 4 months, something clicked. Ella is MY daughter. This little pink smiley thing is mine! And I really fell in love.
Maybe it's because she started laughing. Maybe it's because she suddenly was a baby, not an infant. Maybe it's because she was kinda fun now and not all work. Don't get me wrong, it's still work, but now there was a payoff in smiles. Whatever it was, I was hooked. I fell. Hard. So hard it made me cry that afternoon while I was holding her in her room.
I don't know why it took so long. I know a lot of moms experience this right away. But I've never been a big baby person. I'm more of a toddler person, when they can tell me what's wrong. And I'm not a big fan of not getting 8 consecutive hours of sleep either. I'm very practical and didn't feel the need to sugarcoat those first few months so I felt "together". Maybe that's why. I didn't even know to expect it until it hit me. It was such a turning point in my life as a mother. Very much like the day I realized that somehow, my husband was perfect for me. Its a cozy, comfy feeling I don't ever want to forget. When we have the next one, I want to look back at this and smile as I am struggling to get up to feed the new little one at 3am. Knowing that eventually he/she will make me feel like I do now.
I still remember my life before baby, as many moms say the opposite. That they feel like baby has been a part of their life forever. Heck, I still live my former life on a pretty regular occasion and often regret it immensely in the morning. It's still my life, only better. But I do miss her terribly now. Even just going to the grocery without her. I've even missed her at night and wanted to go wake her up just to kiss her and cuddle with her before she hits the teenage years when I become the uncoolest person she's ever known. But...I mean let's get one thing straight...I'm in love..not crazy.
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